Large Update

No sooner did I announce that I’d stopped watching Hardball at 3am in favor of the Three Stooges, Spike TV (apparently) stops showing them at 3am. Very nice.

For those of you who missed the original posting: Stalin wanted to create a race of half-man / half-ape super soldiers. “If successful, the plan would have seen humans and chimpanzees cross-breeding to create a new race of ‘living war machines’, which ignored pain and fear and which thrived on hardship.” All relevant civilizations hatch their own wacky plans, but there’s a reason the Soviet Union doesn’t have a flag on the moon, okay?

As I write this, Joe Scarborough is interviewing that blonde woman whose husband died on the Royal Caribbean ship several months ago. (Jennifer Hagel Smith, I guess.) I’m bothered by people’s reluctance to say certain things about this case, namely that it means something when your husband is sleeping in other people’s cabins on your honeymoon, and it means something when you’re not allowed to say where you were sleeping the night your husband died (was it her cabin or three floors about their cabin?) … I’m guessing they’re swingers, and apparently not swingers who can handle their liquor, either. Just remember I made the suggestion.

Did Cubans Assassinate John F. Kennedy? “The Cuban secret service was behind the assassination of President John F Kennedy, according to evidence presented in a new television documentary …. A former agent of the Cuban secret service G2 talks for the first time about how Lee Harvey Oswald, the assassin [Note: “the assassin”], was, he claims, pointed out to the Cubans by the KGB. Oscar Marino, who fell out with the Castro regime, said the Cubans were desperate to eliminate Kennedy, an opponent of the revolution who wanted to kill Castro.”

Invade Cuba! There’s a great column in this … liberals love Castro and third world, toilet totalitarianism, and they hate American displays of strength, but they also revere Kennedy, so it’s a toss-up as to where they stand on the question of exacting some revenge on Castro’s scalp.

Help build the longest page in Internet history. From left to right, this guy is hoping to build a website that measures a mile long at its finish. I think I’m going to submit a pic for The Unabrian Manifesto.

A bakery devoted to dogs has opened in Paris. Of course it has.

I’m still not sure if this is a real article, but it has been determined that candy corn is the “most insertable” of all popular candy types.

The Third World: Catch it!

Nominees for the White Trash Hall of Fame. “Mom, 13, is ruled a sex crime offender …. But she is also a victim; a boy, then 12, fathered her baby, and he is also a victim and perpetrator.” Why do I get the feeling I’m somehow paying for this?

This Explains a Lot About Certain Writers I Know: Creative types have three times as many lovers as other people.

Take a Joke: The Iron Hymen.