Columns / Die, Paris, Die / Paul Newman / “Icky Thump” / “Live Free or Die Hard”
1) Unless some fetching, redheaded piece of ass drives me to distraction between now and then, new “In Dissent” opinion columns will begin invading your eye sockets on Wednesday, 18 July. Hilariously enough, the re-launch will coincide with a general “get your fat ass into better shape” program, so you should expect the first several columns to be about joint pain and muscle stiffness.
2) We should all thank Christ that Fox News Channel had the intellectual wherewithal to break through a serious news show, like the 3am EST rebroadcast of Special Report, to cover the release from jail of Paris Hilton. I stared at the screen in vain, desperately hoping that as she traipsed to her parent’s SUV, a modern day Jack Ruby would lurch from the crowd and finish the job her mother didn’t have the foresight to let an abortionist handle in the first place.
It wasn’t just Fox, of course – MSNBC and CNN also cut into what passes for their regular programming to broadcast the Awful Event – but no one ran their coverage longer than did FNC. By flipping back and forth, I observed that Hilton owned Fox’s air throughout the entire three o’clock hour and well into the four o’clock hour. Whoever made the decision to stretch this non-story into an ordeal ought to be relegated to homelessness and a decade of forced sodomy.
Didn’t bother with the Larry King interview, but I hear it was unintentionally hilarious, so now I may have to seek it out somewhere.
3) A timely note for Paul Newman: Your son died of a drug overdose. There ARE things worse than George W. Bush.
4) Though The White Stripes’ new album Icky Thump is slightly less innovative and enticing than its last two albums (2005’s Get Behind Me Satan and 2003’s Elephant), it’s still twelve times more interesting than anything any other notable modern act manages to record. Two thumbs up.
5) Live Free or Die Hard is perfectly fun, pointless, loud, and custom made for 20-year-old boys who like to watch shit explode. My son and I took in a 4.10pm show Wednesday, ate too much popcorn, drank too much Cherry Coke and Raspberry icy things, and had an absolute blast. As long as you know have a fair idea what you’re getting before you sit down, you’ll have a fine time.
2) We should all thank Christ that Fox News Channel had the intellectual wherewithal to break through a serious news show, like the 3am EST rebroadcast of Special Report, to cover the release from jail of Paris Hilton. I stared at the screen in vain, desperately hoping that as she traipsed to her parent’s SUV, a modern day Jack Ruby would lurch from the crowd and finish the job her mother didn’t have the foresight to let an abortionist handle in the first place.
It wasn’t just Fox, of course – MSNBC and CNN also cut into what passes for their regular programming to broadcast the Awful Event – but no one ran their coverage longer than did FNC. By flipping back and forth, I observed that Hilton owned Fox’s air throughout the entire three o’clock hour and well into the four o’clock hour. Whoever made the decision to stretch this non-story into an ordeal ought to be relegated to homelessness and a decade of forced sodomy.
Didn’t bother with the Larry King interview, but I hear it was unintentionally hilarious, so now I may have to seek it out somewhere.
3) A timely note for Paul Newman: Your son died of a drug overdose. There ARE things worse than George W. Bush.
4) Though The White Stripes’ new album Icky Thump is slightly less innovative and enticing than its last two albums (2005’s Get Behind Me Satan and 2003’s Elephant), it’s still twelve times more interesting than anything any other notable modern act manages to record. Two thumbs up.
5) Live Free or Die Hard is perfectly fun, pointless, loud, and custom made for 20-year-old boys who like to watch shit explode. My son and I took in a 4.10pm show Wednesday, ate too much popcorn, drank too much Cherry Coke and Raspberry icy things, and had an absolute blast. As long as you know have a fair idea what you’re getting before you sit down, you’ll have a fine time.
posted by Brian S. Wise | 4:44 PM
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