Al Gore III (a.k.a. "Purple Haze") and His Getaway Car

One of the downfalls of being so out of the loop (as I’ve been for the last couple years) is that I’ve fallen drastically behind in all my Vast Right-Wing Conspiracy stuff. Why, you could hardly call me a member at all anymore, such is my falling behind. So I’m just now, on Sunday evening, reading that when Al “Purple Haze” Gore III was ushered from jail by his sister last week, it was in a Maserati Quattroporte (youtubers are ahead of the curve on this one; see the raw video of his getaway here, and note that the ability to leave comments for this particular piece of video has been disabled).

Now here’s a fun intellectual exercise. Hop onto Google and type in, “Maserati Quattroporte, fuel economy” (or if you’re too lazy, click here). As of Sunday, 08 July, the very first link takes you to FuelEconomy.gov, giving you all the vital statistics for a 2006 Quattroporte: 11 miles per gallon city, 16 highway, with an air pollution score of 2 (10 being the best). Now I have no way of knowing the model year of the Maserati that scooped up “Purple Haze,” but I feel safe in assuming that neither older nor newer versions of the same car are any more fuel efficient than the 2006 model.

Staying with FuelEconomy.gov, begin a series of new searches sticking with the model year 2006 (for the sake of constancy). A Hummer H3 (one of the vehicles most vilified by our environmentalist friends) weighs in at 12 city and 16 highway; and oddly enough, a 3 on the 10 point air pollution scale. An all-wheel drive 2006 Cadillac Escalade gets 12 / 16 / 3, and the two-wheel drive will nab you a slim 13 / 17 / 3.

To be fair, the Ferrari 612 Scaglietti (a random selection for the purposes of comparison) hits the streets at 9 / 16 / 2; and a Lamborghini L-140 / 715 Gallardo at 10 / 15 /2, so clearly there are cars worse for the environment than the one that sped “Purple Haze” off into the distance. But all this succeeds in pointing out is that the Quattroporte isn’t exactly keeping fine company in the ongoing battle for fuel economy; especially not when a 2006 Prius tips the scales at a phenomenal 48 / 45 / 8, and that a Prius is what "Purple Haze" was driving in the first place.

Without even researching the matter, I will simply think the better of my fellow Man and assume that all our favorite environmental organizations are up in arms over the prodigious waste of our planet’s natural resources, and are sending all the appropriate evil looks and threatening faxes to Vice President Gore’s estate, demanding that he strongarm his daughter and make her fall into line. Or it could be they will choose to remain silent, believing that everyone should be allowed to make their own choices regarding fuel economy, and that if left to its own devices, the free market will work itself out. But not likely.

Incidentally, before being asked by an irritated reader, my car – a nearly 14-year-old Toyota Paseo – nabs 23 / 29 with an unknown air pollution score.