Question: Are you going to write a column or essay about 9/11?

Answer: No; and I should remind the reader I’ve never written about 9/11 and won’t until it comes time to write a political autobiography. Oh, I’ve mentioned it quite a few times in passing over the years, but I’ve never thought it an especially worthwhile use of my time to write the three millionth version of the same column everyone else on my side has been writing for five years now. (Coincidentally, this is why I’ve never written about Bill Clinton at any substantive length. You can only say he’s mentally ill in so many ways before you end up simply parroting the last guy.)

Anyone taking the occasion of the fifth anniversary as their cue to clog newspapers and websites with their general recollections of the terrible day, or of Arab terrorism specifically, is taking the easy way out and ought to be drummed out of the Society of American Opinionists (which is much too lax about letting people join, anyway, and would do well to trim its ranks by about 90 percent).

Anyone compelled to write should stop, take in the ceremonies at Ground Zero, and think about what they can do to become better people. Or better yet, think about how you can make someone else’s life better than it was today, September 10th. Instead of writing a tedious, poorly thought out, 5,000-word screed no one will care about, why not write a sizable check to some worthwhile charitable organization?

Just please take the occasion to leave well enough alone and leave this very important matter to actual news desks and relevant opinion pages across the country. That’s all I ask. Thanks.