Spiraling Toward Irrelevancy

Never has a blog title spoken quicker to the absolute truth than "Spiraling Toward Irrelevancy" ...


“Lincoln’s Tomb” / Book Proposal / 2006 TGO Awards (Early Nominees); Clerks 2 and Jackass 2 / Lollapalooza

Friday (28 July) was supposed to be the day I started writing my soon-to-be huge, international bestseller about Abraham Lincoln’s corpse, Lincoln’s Tomb. And as early as 12 noon, I was fully prepared to begin writing: The antique desk in the study was well staffed with paper, pens, the manual typewriter, dictionary, thesaurus, desk light (because surely I would be working until it was very dark outside!), and so on like that.

Then I struggled with my insecurities; then I enjoyed a few glasses of Sunny D fruit punch; then I checked emails; then I read a buddy’s sports blog; then I spent two hours flipping back and forth between the Beloved Atlanta Braves (they lost) and professional wrestling on UPN. Needless to say, all those had to do with my dealing with insecurities; also needless to say, no writing was done Friday, and here I sit at 6am Saturday, restless, unable to sleep, writing to you.

The good news: I have completed the introductory portion of my book proposal. I know it’s finished because a twice-published author I know (not sure if I have the green light to mention their name) said it is now “much better” than the first draft, and that the story I will tell is “weird and unusual…. You'll definitely grab an agent's interest with this,” which I thought was a very nice thing for them to say.

Will most likely spend the rest of this weekend writing the chapter-by-chapter synopsis of the book as I have it scribbled out on paper. As soon as it’s finished, it will be posted here.

Much as I did in May 2005 with Sin City, I come to you this morning to announce that Clerks 2 will win the 2006 TGO Award for Movie of the Year when I give them out next February. I cannot possibly imagine the movie I’d enjoy more than Clerks 2 – unless, of course, it’s a Janeane Garofalo snuff film. Now there’s a movie I’d enjoy more. Barring that, Clerks 2 will get the nod.

CORRECTION: I have just learned Jackass Number 2 will be released on September 22nd. Looks like it’s going to be a photo finish for Movie of the Year. Goddammit.

Regarding the Song of the Year, here are the early nominees (with more to come, of course):

“Vicarious” by Tool.
“Broken Boy Soldier” by The Raconteurs.
“Black Sweat” by Prince.
“Woman” by Wolfmother
“I Bet You Look Good on the Dancefloor” by Arctic Monkeys.
“Put Your Records On” by Corinne Bailey Rae.

Speaking of The Raconteurs, it looks as though I’ll be attending he first day of this year’s Lollapalooza, in Chicago, on Friday, 04 August. Going? I’ll be the one in the white shorts. Or just scream “TGO!” until I hear you. Trust me, I’ll hear you.